Month: April 2009

When spam makes your day

[EN]
This is an exact repost of an email which just came to me, avoiding the spam filter, right towards my eyes.
It came already in two languages and I gotta say that in none of them it makes much sense… but it made me laugh, so why not share! To the spammer’s luck I won’t censor anything, so feel free to program a bot sending an email back.

[CZ]
Tento email se úspěšně vyhnul všem mým antispamovým filtrům a přišel mi naservírován na stříbrném talíři, tudíž ho repostuji v plném znění.
Email chytře přišel ve dvou jazycích, kdybych náhodou nerozuměla, ale v ani jednom případě nemá ani špičku ani patu… leč spravil mi náladu, tak proč se nepodělit! A protože jsem hodná holka, nebudu se obtěžovat s cenzurou údajů, tudíž kdo se cítí na naprogramování bota pro automatické odpovědi, může se pohrát.

Bibi Sakina, the Young Hashemite Princess

Profile:
Name: Ruqayah (also known as Sukaynah)
Father: Imam Husayn ibn ‘Ali ibn Abu Taleb (Alaihisalam)
Mother: Lady Umm Rubab (Alaihisalam)
Birth: 20th of Rajab
Death: 13th Safar al-Mudhaffar, at Damascus, Syria
Sayyedah Ruqayah (Alaihisalam) ( also known as Sayyedah Sukaynah (Alaihisalam)) was the
youngest daughter of Imam Husayn (Alaihisalam). Sukaynah is a derivative of “sukoun”
meaning “peace.” Imam Husayn (Alaihisalam) used to pray for a daughter in his night
prayers, a daughter who would give him peace and Allah (SWT) granted him his
wish and blessed him with Sayyedah Sukaynah (Alaihisalam).

Sayyedah Sukaynah was the most beloved daughter of Imam Husayn (A.S.) and used
to sleep on his chest every night. She was a lively child, full of love and
happiness. Being the daughter of the holy Imam, she was different from other
children of her age in many ways. She was very religious and enjoyed reading
the Holy Quran and never missed her prayers. From a very early age, she took
great care to make sure that her head and face were properly covered when in
public.

Vyhrabáno na starém, zapomenutém blogu: Návod k použití muže Arabského (respektive muslimského)

Na starém blogu jsem našla tento manuál k použití muslimského partnera, tak návod přidávám jako příjemnou vzpomínku i pro zasmání. Je to již několik let staré, tak prosím o slitování :D


Návod k použití: Muž zvaný arabský (poddruh muslim)

Pokud patříte k oněm šťastným ženám, které mají doma arabského muže, možná vám trošku pomůže tento skromný manuál psaný horkou jehlou a rozhodně (bohužel) nepostihující plně celou kategorii užívání tohoto speciálního druhu lidského samečka.
Pokud máte další tipy k doplnění, sem s nimi. Zaslouženě se objevíte v seznamu.Jsou krásní, jsou charismatičtí, jsou tajemní, jsou sexy, jsou temperamentní, a táhnou k sobě jako magnet všechny neopatrné ženy… Arabové.

A nyní tedy přistupme k manuálu:
 
1.Alkohol. Setkala-li jste se s tímto poddruhem humanoida poprvé, je pro začátek dobrý nějaký ten poznatek jako: Nepřipíjet alkoholem. Ani když máte sebevětší chuť, nezvěte ho do baru na skleničku vína nebo korbel piva. Buď odmítne, a vy budete vypadat nejen poníženě, ale i hloupě; nebo v horším případě zkusí a vy ho budete muset tahat na zádech domů už po druhém pivu.

Let the old hag die! / Jen ať si chcípne, baba jedna!

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][EN]
“I really dislike old people who annoy all the time a they don’t understand to anything etc. I go home with my dog and I see at the entrance an old witch and she says where does this Novak live (I guess the witch is from them) so I tell her at the ground floor (she told me at the entrance already that nobody answers her, does he, my judgment is they weren’t at home) so I let her in and go home – first floor. Now I hear how she totters and knocks on our door!! My mum opens the door and that idiot asks where does Novak live :-D So my mum patiently answers her one floor below this one. (that hag didn’t get it or what but I got some nerves from how stupid she is that she doesn’t understand that if nobody answers they are most likely NOT AT HOME…) so I’m in my room the window wide open and I hear that old hag somewhere below the window how she most likely asks somebody where does Novak live :-D Wouldn’t you just kill her?”
Discussion on lide.cz.
“I agree and electrical fence so she will snuff it and they can drag her body away so there will be calm again :-D
btw: I don’t understand that idiot neither… let him do whatever he desires, no? and not ask that old hag… give her a lunch with rat poison :-D”
Reaction on a topic on lide.cz about a senior citizen who is making difficulties about building a fence between her property and property of the author of original topic of discussion. (Respectively her relative.)

Honour Your Wives

Imam Baqir [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][a] said: “He who takes a woman (marries) should certainly
respect her, because the wife of anyone of you is a means of your pleasure,
so the one who marries a woman should not spoil or disgrace her (by
disregarding her respectable rights).”
Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol. 103, p. 224

Imam Amir ul Mu’mineen Ali [a] said: “In any condition conciliate the
wives, and talk with them warmly and through kind words, thereby, they may
change their actions into good ones.”
Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol. 103, p. 223(g18012007) (w26042007)

The Holy Prophet [s] said: “He who has two wives and does not treat justly
in dividing his self and his wealth between them, he will be raised on the
Resurrection Day while he is chained in punishment and half of his body is
not straight until he enters Hell.”
Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol. 7, p. 214

Imam Musa ibn Ja’far [a] narrated from his father [a] from the Holy
Prophet [s] who said:
“However much the Faith of a man increases, his regard
for women increases.”
Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol. 103, p. 228(09022007)

Imam Amir ul Mu’mineen Ali [a] said: “The worst man is he who restricts
his household.”
Nur-ul-Absar Shablanjy

Imam Sadiq [a] said: “He who abandons marriage for the fear of the
expenses imposed on him, mistrusts Allah, Almighty and Glorious.”
Man La Yahduruhul Faqih, vol. 3, p. 385(g23042007)

Imam Sadiq [a] said that when Uthman ibn Maz’un’s wife announced to the Prophet [s] that her husband was always busy fasting and praying day and night without paying attention to his life and wife, the Prophet [s] went unto his house and found him praying. When ‘Uthman finished his prayer, the Messenger of Allah [s] said: “O’ ‘Uthman, Allah has not sent me for monkery but appointed me for a fluent, easy religion (which protects the rights of
the body and soul). I fast, keep up prayers, and associate with my family.
Then, he who likes my way and my creed, must follow my way of life, my Sunnah; and, verily, marriage is of my Sunnah.”
AI-Kafi, vol. 5, p.494 (06112007)

The Holy Prophet [s] said: “There is no (believing) woman who gives her
husband a glass of water but it will be rewarded her better than the worship
of one year during which she fasts on days and keeps vigil during the
nights.”
Wasa’il-ush Shi’ah, vol. 20, p. 172 (20062008)

Imam Amir ul Mu’mineen Ali [a] said: “The Jihad (fighting in the way of
Allah) of a woman is to afford pleasant company to her husband.”
Nahjul-Balagha, saying No. 494 (26072008)[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

Pozor, kam si sedáš!

Díky řečovému deficitu dcery se naší malé domácnosti zatím vyhnulo nekončící “A proč a proč a proooč?”, a jsme za to vděční; na druhou stranu si Dori nedostatek v řeči rozhodla kompenzovat velmi chytře v neviditelných přátelích.
A tak se po našem malém bytečku válí, poletují, sedí, pokukují neviditelní přátelé, tvorečkové i přístroje a jeden musí dávat velký pozor, co dělá.
Dnes večer jsem omylem snědla nabízenou Liliinu panenku považujíce ji nevinně za imaginární zmrzlinu a způsobila drahému potomku pláč s následujícím desetiminutovým balkónem a bojkotováním mé osoby, přičemž tatínek byl zaúkolován opravením neviditelné hračky. K tomu mu byla poskytnutá krabička neviditelných nástrojů.
Byt plný neviditelných monstrozit je dobrodružstvím samo o sobě, neb mé dítko za mnou chodí a pečlivě z mé cesty odstraňuje všeliké motorky, autíčka, panenky i potraviny, jež se mému syrovému, dospělému oku přece nezjevují.
Po několika týdnech života po boku dětské dimenze jsem však již dokázala lokalizovat několik základních a příliš se nestěhujících předmětů. Například na jídelním stole v kuchyni je motorka.